Discovery

Hey peeps,

sorry for the hiatus again. My life has been boring after internship. Gonna look for a new job soon. Anyway, Outbar had their anniversary last week and I made an amazing discovery. I went inside around 8pm and we got some drinks.

Suddenly, about an hour later, I saw this familiar guy walking in. He was with another. This guy looked familiarly buff and tan. Then I realised it was Chris. OMG, he is gay.... All this while, I couldn't tell. I mean, my gaydar isn't very good but him, gay just didn't register.

I stared at him and he looked at my direction briefly and turned away. I guess this is mostly the AJ community. We forget people fast... But who am I to beAJ friends with him eh? We left aaround 11 cause the rest had to go to work on the next day.

Sad news

So guys, I have not been blogging but I had been caught up  . I have known him for about a year so we were close at some point of time. A few weeks ago, he called me and we met up.

Strangely, he was always this energetic guy and was always lively. I thought he was sick or so. I didn't know it was serious until he told me. He hesitated at first but I noticed something was wrong with him.

Finally he told me the real deal. He got infected with HIV. Both him and his bf, now ex, were tested positive and thus this caused him to break up. I have no idea how to respond initially. What do you actually say to someone who just told you they're positive?

Slowly, he revealed that he came to terms with it and started his medication already. All I could do is not judge and yes, I've been accompanying him for quite some time and we went to watch some movies together. 

HTHT with bestie

Sorry for not updating this bog. Been caught up with a few things like family gatherings. So yesterday i met up with Asri and we sat at pasir ris macdonalds till late. 

We talked about a lot of stuff including the people in the aj community. We gossiped about people like Jerome. Whats so special about him? He looks no different from an ordinary kid. Yes cute but to worship over him its like ridiculous. Ah well if im not mistaken he claimed to be flutist back then and then from there he promoted himself. 

The Aj is really small yes but they are disgustingly superficial. Even they look for similar built friends or someone of an interest to them. What can we do? Just stay strong i guess.

Internship ending

Well my internship is ending and I need to find something new to do. What can I do I wonder? That old man is still annoying me towards the end but he has learnt to shut the fuck up. Im going miss some of then. Celine and Grace. Im not gonna see hottie Chris also hahaha .

Anyway I have deleted grindr cause its pointless! All that talk to me are despos and no many people reply me also. Haiz, I wonder if theres a place for an ugly Aj guy like me.

Asri has been getting a new date as always and thats why hes busy. What to do when your best friend is dating? Just watch till the next break up.

Attached or not

I have this theory..in the aj circle. hardly any real relationships can last. Its always a transient period because as much I am aj..theres no ultimate goal compared to a straight relationship, eg marriage children.

So whats the point of getting attached if you know deep down you are one day going to break up due to all lot of factors.

It does not help that guys are superficial and have a high tendency to cheat and go for someone else. It seemed over the years there are generally 2 kind of people. One who always are attached and the ones who are never attached for long periods. Thats all for my rants today.

Massage experience

After hearing so much from my friends I decided to give massage a try. So i visited this place around the town area. It was sleazy and located on the second floor of a shophouse. But inside was nicely renovated. The welcome me like a boss calling my sir and all. But my heart sank when I saw the therapists. They are nothing more than male prostitutes. One by one they paraded in front of me. There were about 8 of them. I finally chose this guy Richard.

I was brought into the room for shower and then the massage started. It went well and soon he began to tease me around that area. Thats when after the massage he began to ask me for special services. He was indeed cute and my type and i told him to strip abd give me a handjob. It was $50 though.

I came not long after and then i took a shower. Afterwards we chatted a bit and i found out hes from KL. But its so sad they had to do this for a living. :/

Stay home fri night

Ah wells its a stay home friday night. Everyones out excpet this loser here. Azri is enjoying himself at Tantric and Taboo. I hope he is fine.

Cant connect

So things didnt work out between me and Jason. He is just too clingy and desperate to be attached. He will massage me every hour to ask where I am. I feel that Im watched. Plus he is from ITE so i dont think I can connect much..There were time where his grammar totally failed.

Azri didnt agree as well. He thought Jason was cui so he was instigating me to break up.

Awful night

Feeling slight headache now. Yesterday was such a horrible night. Went drinking at Outbar with some of my friends. Then they gave me a few shots of tequila till I was soo drunk. What was worse was broke the jug one of my friends ordered. It was soo embarrassing. I couldnt remember much but Jason had to pay $5 for the jug.

I think I puked a few times outside maxwell as well. Thanks to those who took care of me. I hope no one got injured cause of the shards.

I stayed over and Jason's place cause he was worried I was too drunk to go home on my own.

Fantasy

I gave out a soft moan as he put his muscular arms around me... I got closer to him and he started to kiss me..In the midst of our passionate kiss, he lifted off my shirt and his hands caressed my body. I took the opportunity to lift off his shirt to reveal his well formed chest and abs.. I fondled his nipples and he gave out a moan in pleasure. I proceeded and played them with my mouth. He was enjoying it and I can feel through his shorts that he is getting hard. I had a raging hard on as well...I removed his shorts and his boxers. I was thrilled to see he had a beautiful 6 inches tool which looks so amazing.

I devoured the shaft into my mouth and enjoyed every single bit of it. He was moaning in pleasure and was getting louder by the second. I looked at him from time to time. This guy was a tough hunk by day and slave to pleasure by night..Beads of sweats began forming on his forehead and I sucked him.

Soon enough, he pushed me on bed and spread my legs wide open. He cant handle it any longer, I bet. He teased my hole with his fingers and I started to moan in pain and pleasure. "Just fuck me!" I begged. He gave me a grin and slipped himself inside of me. The feeling of pain was pleasure to me and he start thrusting into me. His rhythm got faster and I started to moan out his name. "Chris... ahh... " After a while I could see his sweat dripping from all over his muscular body, giving him a nice golden glow.. 

He removed his tool out and then sprayed all over my face. He gave a deep moan as he sprayed it on my chest and proceeded to kiss me on my lips. He put his hand on me and started to help me shoot. I shot after while later and he then me gave a sexy smirk.




That's when my alarm clock rang and the end of my sexy fantasy...

shut the world out

Hi guys. I just feel that I should shut the world out. Since everyone is so superficial and stuff, why bother to even go out? People are just so mean. Just because im born like this, they have to treat me this way.

New guy

So I begin talking to this new guy, Vincent. He messaged me on the app a few days ago and we start talking. He is from ITE Simei and aspire to be a nurse. Well, he is 170 and 55 kg according to his profile. He looks kinda cute and sounds interested. So, Im still texting him at this hour cause he said he cant sleep. Oh wells. Hopefully things get better. I should ask him out soon though.

We talked about a lot of things from hobbies to Lady Gaga. Well, he's a little monster too! and we share the same favourite song. Judas! Just pray for me that this leads to something okay?

Perv in the bus

Wah lau.. today when i was going home in the bus. This old uncle sat beside me. Then he started touching my thighs.. what the hell? I gave him a cold stare after a while and he stopped. He got off the next stop. Whatever it is he gross man.

Work as usual was boring except I had lunch with Chris. Thats a progression.

Papa dont preach

So, dad talked about my flamboyant behaviour again. I think he finds it annoying but I dont care. I am who I am. As usual, he talks about marriage and finding a good girlfriend. One that upholds muslim values etc etc. He said its good for me when I grow old and theres someone to take care of me.

My mum was rather quiet but had to agree with my dad on most stuffs though they kinda know Im gay. Still they neever fail to lecture me on homosexual. How is it sinful in the quran etc..

He then told me about how his colleague who was flamboyant or gay. He used the word "pondan" so it can mean either. Now that man has changed and marry a woman. They are now happy etc etc. Haiz...

The lecture lasted for like 1 hour before it ended. What a day.

Whats your problem?

Waa... that fucker John today just had to make fun of me during a presentation today at work! What a knn ccb SOB! I was about to do a presentation when he gave me the broken wrist gesture. It annoyed me to hell man. Hope hedies and go to hell man.

Valentines day for all except me

Happy Valentines Day to all. Except me.. It was valentines dat yesterday and all I did was to catch up with a BMT mate. Wow, this guy Daniel really changed from obese person to a toned guy. His name is Muthu and I know him as the jovial funny guy. Now he gyms almost every other day. He was a specialist at Sungei Gedong Camp in his NS days so he got his serious look now compared to the BMT days when his mischief got us into trouble a few times. So thats my Valentines Day with Muthu!

Only if I have you

Work these past few days was boring... except Chris! He's just so adorable. But but.. I picked up the courage to talk to him more I guess. I found out he was from RI, going to study Medicine in NUS. How much more perfect can he be.. but he has no girlfriend though. Well, he told me he's too busy for that. Ah, enough of my fan girl modem

Play's last night

So everyone heard about the news. Play is closing down. So i decided to follow Az and Kyle came along with us. We reached around and the queue was already like OMG. We wait for about a hour plus before getting to in. Its packed like hell and we were bored cause there was actually no space. Az kept bumping into his friends and Kyle went to find his other gangs. His friends were mostly beng-ish guys I would like to describe. We tried to dance for about an hour till before 1 and exited the place.

We left for dymk to join some of Azri's friends. They were mainly talking and I felt so awkward and I kept quiet. Nobody kind of notice me so might as well O keep quiet. One of Az's friend is cute though yet he didnt look at me at all so... oh well

Another of Az's friend got drunk after drinking so we helped to take care of him. He was pouting rubbish and almost picked up a fight with a guy. A lot people looked drunk that night.

We finally got a cab at around 4+ and i left for home. Lucky my parents were at Malaysia that weekend.

A glimpse of my past

Hi guys, I am feeling emo so Im gonna rant a bit on my past. Well being flamboyant and indian was never an easy thing. It doesnt help that Im overweight as well. Well, i had been given a lot of nicknames. Fat gay, gay apuneneh. Name it. I didnt see it as bullying. I see it as a part of me.Coming from an all boys sec school, being flamboyant is a no no. Well everyone prefers be friending the cool sporty guy, not the interact club fat guy.

Well, have i tried to slim down etc etc? Yes but I failed a lot of times. I tried exercises and eat less but nothing worked out. I lost 10kg during bmt it wasnt for long. In my unit maybe people didnt like me so I did down pes after an injury and posted as a clerk at cmpb. That place is full of AJs but I was never one of them I guess. I was alone except for a few friends. Sometimes its funny how some pepple expect fat people to be funny but im not that sort.

Well, I guess Ill be a loner for the rest of my life world.

Tonight's not my lucky night

Feeling horny just now so I visited CC.. it was a tuesday so its free. As usual, I was given the essentials. A towel and a key for my locker. I went in and straightaway looked for the locker. I went to shower before showing up and I saw 2 boys who barely 18 sitting down near lockers observing the people around. As i walked past them they stared at me and i chose to ignore.

I went up slowly into the dark maze and there are lines of men waiting by the walls. Many are walking around trying to find a suitable partner. I strolled through the place unsure of what to get, maybe hoping to find someone i fancy. 

Then i felt hands touching on me. I looked around and saw this balding indian guy touching me. Eww. I then walked away. There are few cute guys but none looked at me for more than a second.

I grew pretty bored. Was it me or was it them? Sadly, I found nothing that night. I believe theres no place for a person like me. Well who wants a fat indian guy right? Tough luck.

Weekend outing with Bestie

So today we went out shopping at Orchard. As usual, he would go to his favorite shops like Fred Perry and A&F. I on the other hand would prefer uniqlo or cotton on things. Along the way we saw this cute aj couple. Both of them looked very cute together but we looked at them, they immediately looked away. What attitude man? Whatever it is, Az bought 2 shirts and he spent a total of $200+. Haha rich kid.

We also went to this cool sushi place where they serve using mini trains. Was it Genki sushi? He brought me and that was my first time. We are quite liberal with food so i dont care if its Halal or not. Thats all for my short post. Sorry guys. Tired and feel like sleeping.

Valentine's day coming up!

Time to PLAY

Its a boring Sunday today but I just came back from Play this morning. I had about 6 hours of sleep and woke up at 10am. Told me dad I had a class chalet and slept over there. He is always the strict one and thus I do not have much freedom compared to a lot of my peers. He would always ask me about my whereabouts and I feel very restricted even though im turning 21.

Play was fun yesterday. I met up with Kyle and his friends at Maxwell around 10pm. His friends were all Chinese except this malay guy, Joel. Im sure that's a made up name but oh well. He is only 19 and studying in SP. There's one guy that caught my attention. His name is Brandon and he's my age as well. He is not well built, skinny but has very nice features. I heard he dropped out of poly to help his father in some business. That explains the Gucci wallet and the multiple credit cards in it. Typical rich kid eh. I tried to talk to him but he seemed not interested though. Think he might be seeing someone but as well. What chance does this fat guy have with someone who's of that calibre?

We head to Tantric first for some drinks after paying for cover charge for some drinks. As usual that play is crowded with ang mohs... and money boys or so I was told some of the Asian guys were. As usual, I find it very amusing that the Asian boys tried to fake their accents whenever they talk to the Caucasians. Try harder boys.

Plat music was great that night but the crowd was so so. There's this bunch of malay guys who kept pushing us and I felt super irritated though. Like what's their problem seriously? We tried to grab a cab after Play but as usual, it was so hard to find one that's empty AND willing to pick us up.

Interesting work day

Just got home. Work was particularly interesting today because there's this new intern, Jessica who just joined us. She got posted to the same department as me and she was from the same JC as me. She is 2 years younger than me though. These girls are so lucky, they don't have to serve NS. We talked a lot about our former JC and we do share the same gossips about  certain teachers. Oh, John, the homophobic racist dude kinda muttered something again when I walked past him today. What the fuck is wrong with him? I kinda ignored the whole thing and having someone new in office in office cheered me up.

Oh Chris looked just so adorable today. He wore a pink shirt and it looks superb on him.

PS I kinda feel like eating of bowl of laoban tao huay.

Short meet up

So today I met up with KW. Well, his name is Kyle. We went to White Sands Macdonalds after dinner for a drink. He seemed to be a pleasant guy and we can click quite well. We talked a lot about our lives and his relationships. He is a nice guy but I doubt we can go anything further than friends. Well, I don't think Im quite ready and he told me he just broke up a month back and thus still recovering from his heartbreak. Sian, tomorrow need to go back to work.

The app

I was waiting for the bus just now and decided to use Grindr. As usual, I saw many request seeking for fun. I would ignore them all. Then i saw a message from this guy K.W. He said Hi. I Checked his profile. He is a 23 year old skinny chinese guy but isnt that attractive in any way. He stated that he's looking for friendship and LTR. Seemed sincere. So I replied him with a short "Hi. Wassup?" He replied promptly and we just chatted for about an hour.

I found out he is currently studying at SIM and is a frequent clubber unlike me. Been to a club once and didnt enjoy much.

As I was chatting I saw this hunky and attractive guy in the list. I checked out his profile. He is 26 and is 178cm tall with nice biceps and chest. I messaged him and after 4 hours, still no reply. Rejected I guess. Whats new for me?

That boy

Today was another work day. It was super boring yet I have 2 more months till my internship ends. Everything was mundane except for Chris. Chris is just another intern like me yet at 21, he is very handsome.and well built. I heard he was an armour officer in his NS days and that explains his excellent physique.

Chris and I arent that close but we do greet each other when we bump into each other. He is in another section of the department so we do work with each other yet I can see him from my desk. I would try to steal a few glances at him whenever I can.

Thats all for work. A short post because Im already tired.

Trevvy chat

It was a boring night and I felt bored so I logged on to trevvy's IRC or they called it sgboy chat. If I heard right, trevvy used to be called sgboy.com. So as usual, there are plenty of people looking for fun and some even selling poppers. I was merely looking for some people I can talk to but well, its so hard to find a genuine friend using that medium. That night I became boy20. I scrolled down the list of peope in the IRC forum. I clicked on NSF19 and said hi.

The reply came quite promptly. "stats seek?" Thus I replied "20,175, 84, M. friends"  For those who are not familiar, the first refers to my age, the second one is my height, the third is my weight and last one is my race. Im not actually Malay. Im Indian Muslim yet due to my religion I tend to associate myself with being Malay and spoke it as well.

No response. I said "Yourself?" I waited for a moment yet there is no reply. Which means one thing. REJECTED. The gay world is harsh in that way I feel. I scrolled through and there's another person called action_23 messaging me. "Hi seek fun?" I politely replied no and continue to scroll down. I saw someone called "Student21" and without thinking messaged him "Hi seek stats?" he replied. "21 176 60, M. Friends/LTR" So I introduced myself and the next thing he asked was for a pic. I hated to give others my pictures because I had always felt insecure a bout my looks. Most of the times, I received no replies after giving my picture to them. I hesitated for a while before passing him a link to my photo. I then asked him for his. No reply also after a few minutes.

"Hi 45, 168 75 mature chi. U mind?" Rexon12 messaged me. Im always uncomfortable with making friends with matured people but that night, I continued talking to him. I then found out he is married with 2 kids. He seemed to make a lot of sexual suggestions during our conversation and I repeated declined to meet him even though he told me he'll willing to drive to my place. I ignored him after a while and saw a few more other messages which includes masseurs promoting their services.

I gave up after an hour because no one was sincere enough to be friends.

Bestie's break up

So, after work I went to meet Azri. Azri has been my best friend for 3 years. Well, both of us are AJs, so that's why we clicked well since JC days. Azri, however was very different from me. He is tall lean and has very nice features. No surprise some girls do swoon over him in our JC days. He politely turn many down and told them he'd rather stay single. However, only I know the truth. He is always the sports guy and I rather join club CCAs like Interact Club. However, we never failed to hang out often in school and our friendship lasted throughout NS even though he is a sergeant in Pulau Tekong and I'm just a clerk at CMPB. It helps that we stay a few blocks away from each other.

That night, he didn't appear cheerful as always. I meet him at a park near our house I was puzzled so I asked "Az, what happened to you?" He lowered down his gaze and kept quiet. "It's over" he mumbled after a few silent moments. Az finally broke up with Nathanael. Az, like so many malay guys prefer to have a Chinese boyfriend. I have no idea why but it seems like a trend for malay guys to scout for a Chinese boyfriend. I termed them "banana lovers". Banana because they are yellow and im referring to the unpeeled kind. (wink if you know what I mean) I myself do find Chinese boys attractive but I don't mind having a boyfriend of other races too.

I had never personally liked Nat, because he always seems to be flirting around with other boys. That is what I heard from other but Az loved him a lot. He is the typical Chinese twink with small eyes but with that complexion and small stature, he makes a lot of people melt.

"I found out he hooked up with a guy" Az said softly. It looked like he was about to cry but did his best to stop his tears from rolling. I sat there silently thinking of ways  to comfort him. What can you say to a bestie who has just broken up? Don't be sad? There are better guys out there? Cliché much.

I reached out my arms and wrapped it around him. He continued sobbing while I pat his back telling him how great a person he is and how he will survive without Nat. He continued telling how angry and disappointed he was and I was there with him trying my best to cheer him up.

He felt slightly better after an hour or so and we parted ways. I really hope bestie's fine. He had been through a couple of break ups and I'm sure he'll be fine.

Gay Fuck

Today was a pretty boring day at work but nothing came worst than the first comment i heard from a colleague. I was late today and had to rush all the way to my office to meet my manager at 9am. I glanced at my watch. 9.05am.  Shit, I was already late. In the midst of squeezing through the small and squeezy office, I bumped into one of my collagues, John.

He is a 40 year old man, married with 2 kids. I always disliked him. Everyone told me he is racist so I didnt talk to him much but what surprised me was his comment. Soft but clearly audible. "Gay Fuck." Yes I am flamboyant in nature but I havent come.out to anyone in office since Id started my intern here in this office. I gave him a cold hard stare and quickly rushed to my desk to prepare for the meeting.

"Din... You're late again!" The dragon lady said when I stepped into her office. I had to endure her lectures but I had little choice. Its okay. hat sums my day but I meeting bestie after that.

Im different very different

Hello guys. Im starting this new blog to rant about everything. If you do not know me, Im gay. Yes Im proud of it. Fuck those homophobes. So stay tuned for more updates of my life.